You might want to brew yourself a cup of coffee, a spot of tea or grab a hot coco and tuck yourself in because this is going to be a long one.

When one regales others with tales of their travel adventures it is with glee, mirth and occasional intrigue. Not so with this tale. So if you don’t want to read a tale of frustration, anger and occasional cursing, turn your eyes away.

The morning started out fine. It was dark out as we left the house to get into the husband unit’s car. It was a bit muggy and misty, but I’ve come to expect that of Pittsburgh. We drove to the airport with no problem. He dropped me off out front and kissed me goodbye. I saw no reason for him to come in with me. I’ve traveled many times and this wasn’t my first time at the Pitt International.

I checked in. Both at US Airways and American because I had to switch airlines. I didn’t even have to bother checking in luggage because I had everything I needed in my carry on’s. I was good to go. Got through security with no problems. Liquids in plastic baggy, check; sandals put into bin to check for possible terrorist plot, check; ID and ticket at the ready, check; went through metal detector, no beeping, check!

I went to my gate and relaxed with my book. I boarded on time and left on time. The flight crew were courteous. I arrived in Charlotte, NC with plenty of time to spare. Checked the boards for my next flight, all was well. Got onto my next flight which took off on time and landed on time in DFW. Giving me ample time to change terminals since I was now switching flight carriers from US Airways to American. I should have know that things would go to hell.

For those of you who have never been to DFW, please know that when I say this, every word I speak is from years of experience of flying out and into this airport. Whatever you do, DON’T GO TO DFW! It’s first off a gigantic cluster fuck of trams, escalators, uncomfortable seats and useless stores. Sure they have a wide variety of restaurants and book shops to choose from, but that is actually a warning sign because you will end up spending A LOT of time in that airport thanks to their constant cancellations.

You see, if it so much as drizzles lightly at DFW, the “shut it down” for safety. Of course, the weather usually last for about 30 minutes and the sun is out again and all of the flights that were “canceled” and the “shut down” airport are reopened, leaving hundreds of people on stand by, sleeping at the airport or fighting for a hotel room.

American Airlines is a whole other story. Whenever I see I have to fly them, I groan and I honesty do my best to avoid them. However, since I bought these tickets at such short notice. I had very little choice. DFW+AA=Pain in the ass travel that is sure to end in me wanting to throttle someone.

I get to my new terminal. I check the signs. Everything is running fine. Or so they would have me believe. I sit at my appointed gate for about 10 minutes and there is an announcement over the load speaker saying something about my flight. None of us can make it out so I take myself to the board about five gates down and see that my flight has been moved from my current gate to the gate next over. Okay, fair enough. It’s just around the corner so I take my stuff and move. Of course, I am sure to tell all the other clueless passengers that we have to move.

Then I am waiting, waiting, waiting. Something is announced about technical problems on the flight before us. Okay.

Then joy of joys, the plane arrives and we all board our happy asses onto it. I no sooner stow my items and situate myself when the flight attendant finds me and hands me a new boarding pass saying I have been moved. Okay.

I grab my things and move to the very last seat in the plane. Right next to me a two, very large, Tibetan Monks. As they move in their loose fitting orange robes I can see their large, hairy, nipples peeking out to tell me hello. Okay. I’ve dealt with worse. I can handle a flight next to hairy nipples.

Then the flight attendant comes over the intercom again, after I have stowed my items and made myself comfy and announces we have a technical problem on our plane and we need to get off. He’s sorry. Okay.

We stand around. Waiting, waiting, waiting. And there is nothing, nothing, nothing. We all stand and mill around the terminal like lemons. After about 30-45 mins another passenger, not staff mind you, comes by and informs us our flight has been canceled and we need to go to customer service to get our stuff sorted. He’s already on standby for the next flight! OKAY!

Why AA didn’t inform us is lost on me. The man in front of me at the CS desk was from Chicago, as he made sure to state more than once. He was very vocal with the fact that we had not been informed and that it was a load of shit we hadn’t been. One of the AA staff hears his complaints and instead of acknowledging him or offering an apology to us all he get on his happy little phone and his voice booms across the terminal informing us (we’re all already in line) that our flight has been canceled and we need to come and reschedule. What a star.

I wait, wait, wait, in line. Finally some other lady says we can come to her to sort our business out. By the time I get there about six people are on stand by for the next flight. That means more than a half dozen people have to not make it on this flight before I even have a snowballs chance in hell (not Dante’s hell, but regular hell).

The next flight is around 7pm (6 hours after my original one). And there is no guarantee I will make it onto that flight. I can’t risk that. So I ask the woman if instead of a flight to Lubbock, TX if they could get me onto a flight to Midland, TX. YES! SHE SAYS YES! There three open seats, leaving in two hours. I can have one! OOOOOOOKAAAY!

So I call my poor mother who is already in Lubbock at the airport and inform her to leave Lubbock and head to Midland (the entire time this is happening her board in Lubbock says the flight is on time!) Mom now has to turn around and head to Midland. I went and got myself a Guinness and sandwich thinking “God I hate American Airlines”. Little knowing it would only get worse.

After eating and just bumming around the airport I notice storm clouds forming around DFW. I pray that we will miss the rain. We don’t. The rain hits. The lightening hits. We see our plane. But we can’t get on it. They announce that our flight has been delayed due to the weather. Then they announce that flight has been canceled, due to the weather. I rush to the ticket counter to reschedule.

I am told by one woman there are no more flights going out of DFW tonight. I am then directed to a very young, very dim counter worker who I will call Tom. I ask Tom what they (AA) are going to do for me. He tells me they can get me on the first flight out to Midland in the morning. I say that’s great. What about my free hotel for the night? He says I don’t get one because this flight was canceled due to “Act of God”. I can have a cot to sleep on or a half price room of their choice. I say no. I explain to Tom that he’s is sorely mistaken. That I wouldn’t be in this “Act of God” situation if AA had gotten me out of there on my original flight three hours ago. The one canceled due to “technical problems”. Tom blinks. Tom looks at lady next to him. I look at lady next to him. She looks at me and says “We’ll have to have you talk our manager.” I said that was fine. No manager. No change. Then a badly bleached bitch with a face like it’s being chewed on by a mouse comes over to Tom. I’ll call her Sarah. She is trying to figure out why I am not gone.

I explain to her I want my hotel room. Sarah tells me the flight was canceled due to “Act of God”. I tell her I don’t care, my first flight, my ORIGINAL flight, was canceled due to TECHNICAL PROBLEMS! Granted, my tone of voice was frustrated, I was tired. But I was never once rude, nor did I raise my voice, curse or do anything unbecoming of a lady such as myself. I told Sarah I understood this was not her fault and I was not upset with her but before I could even finish she cut me off and said “Oh no, no, no. If you’re going to be like this the whole time I don’t even want to hear it.”

I counted to ten. I took a deep breath. I took out my pen and paper, looked at her badge, wrote down her name and number, placed it down and reminded myself that getting arrested at the DFW airport for assault would not get me to Midland. I explained my situation AGAIN. And finally chewy mouse face Sarah relented and had dim Tom get me in a hotel. Sarah was sure to tell me this was because of my first flight not the current one. I told her I more than understood and that is all I was asking for.

When I get outside to wait for my shuttle to the Embassy Suites (which made it clear why they didn’t want to put me up in a hotel, since it’s one of the higher end ones), the sun is shining, there’s not a cloud in the sky. I get to my hotel and outside my window I see planes sailing off into the wild blue yonder to unknown destinations from the DFW airport that had no more flights at all that day.

You would think the story ends there, but it doesn’t. The next day I get up bright and early to get to my flight. I am at security the 1 hour before they ask for. It’s closed. So I wait. I get through security. I walk to my gate, seeing the approximately 50-70 people sleeping on cots through out. I get to my gate. I see the poor mother who was on my original flight (she didn’t fight for a hotel I guess) and her three children, all under the age of 4 waking up from their sleep on the floor.

I eat my breakfast of muffin and Cheeto’s and the time for us to board the plane comes and goes. 16 people are on standby for this flight. We all wait. We get the announcement that boarding will be delayed due to a broken chair. I take a deep breath, I eat a Cheeto. Finally we board, 20 minutes late. I don’t breathe a sigh of relief until I land in Midland.

After 29 hours I finally land in Midland. Being picked up by my good friend Michelle who I appreciate to no end for picking me up on such short notice.

I could have gotten to the UK faster than it took me to get from Pittsburgh to Midland. The 2 1/2 day drive was easier than this.

The end…thank God.

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