We’ve all been to the DMV at some time or another in our lives. So everyone can relate. It seems to be the one place on earth that readily has the strangest mix of people. Rich, poor, every color, nationality, you name it. All under one roof, in one small room, reading 5 year old magazines and holding on to their little paper numbers, praying that they get out of there before midnight.

However, why are there are so many insane people there as well? Just recently I went along with my mother to get her new state drivers license. We were at the DMV for nearly 2.5 hours, at least. And in that time span I heard and saw enough to make a movie, write a book and have more than one blog post. So here is he first installment:

A rather large woman was sat behind me. She had been there for quite some time (I knew this because she felt it necessary to talk to the woman next to her like she was across the room). I also know she was on welfare because while she was on her cellphone with her sister she asked at least four times “HAS THE WELFARE CHECK COME IN YET?” (her sister was obviously deaf, buried under concrete and had terrible cell phone reception). But none of that prepared me for what was about to come next.

The lady next to her asked her about the angel tattoo she had on her ample breast. It was obviously fresh ink, so she wanted the story. Turns out that this diamond of woman got the tattoo because her mother recently died. The tattoo represented her mother, who was now in heaven (guess she missed the day in Sunday school where you learn A: All angels are male B: Humans don’t become angels. Wait, I digress). Okay, nice thought. Ink for mama. But, oh it gets better. It turns out this is also a lucky tattoo. You see, the tattoo of her mother is now her guardian angel because since she has got it one man gave her gold necklaces and other jewelry and another man gave her, get this, a quart of oil for her car. This got the very gay man in line to start laughing and about the rest of the room as well.

That’s just so awesome. Jewelry and oil for a tattoo. Maybe if she hadn’t of spent her welfare money on $100 tattoo she wouldn’t have to be excited by that type of thing. But that could be just me.